R.I.P. New Years Resolution

Yesterday I decided not to write anything, so today the Daily Notes Project died peacefully in its sleep at 12:00 a.m. PST. A DNR order was in effect, and no resuscitation was attempted. The remains of the Daily Notes Project will be cremated on Friday, and sprinkled over the interweb. No services will be held.

Hello?

I don’t think there’s a more helpless feeling than being at the wrong end of a phone line when someone you love is in danger. The first time it happened to me was about ten years ago when my wife was working in Tacoma (about an hour from home.) That day at about noon I answered a call from her cell phone only to hear a man say “Hello, is this Randy? Your wife asked me to call you. She’s just been hit by a car.”  As the ambulance was speeding toward her, and I was speeding toward the hospital she took the phone to try to talk, but instead passed out, dropping the phone in the street. The drive to town probably took forty minutes, but it felt like forever. Although badly banged up and left with a shoulder that still aches to this day, she's lucky she wasn’t more seriously injured.

The second time it happened was this morning when my youngest son called to ask how to fix an electric hot water heater. He lives in an apartment in Tacoma, not too far from where my wife was hit by the car. “Turn off the breaker, then take off the top panel and look for a red reset button” I told him. A couple minutes later he pressed the red button, and it clicked just like it should to reset. I waited on the phone as he went to turn the breaker back on. The next thing I heard was my son yelling “it’s on fire!” Then I heard a lot of commotion, but he didn’t answer as I tried to tell him to turn the breaker off and ask if the fire was inside the water heater panel, or if it was spreading. My first thought was to run to the truck like I did when I got the call about my wife, which in this case was stupid. Then I went to get the landline to call 911, but I kept asking if he was okay. Still there was no answer; just more commotion and his neighbor yelling “what’s happening” as he yelled back “there’s a fire.” Seriously, I’m getting too old for this kind of stress.

Finally he picked up the phone, probably twenty seconds later (but again it felt like forever) and told me the fire was out. He had run down to the end of the building, broken open the fire extinguisher case, and returned to put out the fire. I’m proud of the kid, but we agreed… no more electrical troubleshooting over the phone.

Follow up note: The new hot water heater will be installed on Monday, and they’re going to check out that suspect breaker also. The repairman assured my son that he did everything right, and there’s no way it should have been able to catch fire. Plus the apartment’s going to give him a free carpet cleaning. Apparently he emptied the extinguisher, and made a hell of a mess. Again I feel lucky, and it really makes me think about, and feel empathy for those people who have had to listen to real tragedies from the wrong end of a phone line.

A New S.N.L. Script for Gilda Radner (Do they have dark humor in heaven?)

(Warning: Not politically correct)

Chevy Chase: Weekend Update recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.

Emily Litella: I'm here tonight to speak out against using the youth in Asia to kill off sick people in America. If someone is so sick they want to die, I think we should let a doctor help them do it peacefully. PETA wouldn’t stand for youth in Asia killing sick kittens, so why would we let them kill sick people? I think using youth in Asia would be cruel. Have you ever watched one of those Kung Fu movies? Can you imagine putting your grandmother in a room with one of those ninja’s? Why would anyone want to make this legal? Ninja’s killing helpless sick people just so they can save money on morphine or something. Imagine if you got so sick they couldn’t save you. You wouldn’t care about the morphine bill. I mean…

Chevy Chase: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?

Emily Litella: Yes?

Chevy Chase: I'm sorry. The editorial was about allowing states to legalize euthanasia. That means allowing people to die with the assistance of Dr. prescribed drugs... not by allowing ninja’s to beat them to death.

Emily Litella: Oh. I'm sorry... Never mind.

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They say that if you leave enough monkeys with typewriters in a room for a long enough period of time that eventually one of them will write a quality piece of literature (or something to that effect.) Well on behalf of the Daily Notes Project... “We need more monkeys in here!”

Strange Awakening

Continued from 2-3-2011:

Nashville, Tennessee, Monday, August 21, 2017, 12:32 p.m.: Air Force officials report a series of sonic booms just north of the city. Minutes later 911 operators are flooded with calls of meteorites, flying objects, roaring noises, and explosions. By 12:45 p.m. news sources begin broadcasting reports of a possible attack on the city. Witnesses describe a streak of white, or line of white flying objects shooting through the top of the Signature Tower at 505 Church Street, tearing gaping holes in the upper floors of the building before ascending into the southern sky.
 
As tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands of people in the Southern United States stand in their yards, and outside their workplaces to witness today’s  much anticipated total solar eclipse, breaking news reports begin coming out of Nashville: “Streak tears off top four stories of Signature Tower - Two confirmed dead - 86 missing and presumed dead.” Later reports would claim: “Top of building cleanly removed – Top floors entirely obliterated - Debris trail stretches five miles - No sign of the 86 missing.”

Waiting for Something to Develope

I’m sitting in the truck with a new appreciation for digital cameras, as I wait for my film to be developed. Yes, that’s right “film.” Oh, waiting isn’t the bad part. I’ve got a good book here about Thomas Jefferson (American Sphinx) and my trusty notepad, and if all else fails there’s a crossword puzzle book in the back. The photo lady did say my pictures would be ready by noon though, and it’s pushing 12:30, but like I said it’s not the wait… it’s the cost that’s making me regret pulling the old Cannon underwater camera out of the closet to document my Honduran snorkel adventure. To develop five rolls of Advantex film, and put the pics on a CD they want over $65.00! Jeeze, I could have bought a cheap digital camera for that and put it in a ziplock baggie. Probably would have gotten better photos too. If I remember right very few of those underwater photos ever turn out anyways. Maybe I should just make a run for it, and leave the pictures behind.

Wholly ¢®@℗!

If you read yesterday’s note you might think I’m a little sour on this whole “rich getting richer – poor getting poorer” thing. Well maybe you’re right. Maybe these fat cats aren’t doing as well as I think. I mean before I go shootin’ my mouth off here about tens of millions of dollars a year I should probably get my facts straight. Okay let’s open up the old web browser and Google up some facts: h-e-d-g-e—f-u-n-d—m-a-n-a-g-e-r—s-a-l-e-r-y …click ENTER …Wholly crap! Wholly crap! …$5 billion?

Okay, now I’m more sour than before. I’m going over to the Notebook to write this one down. If you want to follow along just click on "The Notebook of R.J. Moody" link up there to your right and find the Feburary 28th entry to see who made $5 billion dollars last year. Wholly crap!