Superstition

It you’re superstitious you have to stay real alert all the time, and you have to know all the technical superstition rules, like “is a baker’s dozen good or bad?” And it helps to know things like “if a black cat crosses your path in front of you, you still have time to change directions, but if it crosses behind you you’re fate is sealed" (so don’t ever look back!)

Some situations are harder to figure out, like the other day when I walked under a ladder and immediately wondered, “can I back out of this situation, or would that only make things twice as bad?” Then the other day I accidentally broke a mirror and I thought “Oh no, seven years bad luck!” But then I thought “Wait a minute ...what I actually broke was a medicine cabinet. Maybe that’s a loophole.”

I know, both those things didn’t really happen the other day, but I like to say “the other day” because that way you can never be pinned down on specifics. I would make a terrible witness in a courtroom situation, but keeping it vague is a good policy if you don’t want to get in trouble for something you might have done on a specific day.

“Was that Tuesday when you used my bathroom Randy?”

“No, it was the other day …and I don’t know nothin’ about your broken medicine cabinet!”

And for the record America, I wasn’t trying to snoop in that medicine cabinet. I was just trying to point the mirrors so I could see a whole bunch of me going in both directions. By the way some people have way too many prescriptions in their medicine cabinets. Unfortunately we've become a drug happy country. We need to dial it back a little folks. I like the old adage “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” but actually any similar sized object when thrown correctly can repel a doctor. Apple growers don’t want you to know it, but I’ll tell you “a rock a day” works just as well (probably better!)

Well that’s all I’ve got for now. Be healthy, don’t step on any cracks, and don’t throw rocks at doctors in glass houses, but if you do watch out for the mirrors. Good luck everyone!